Roses Are Red, My Love
by Gabi-hime
Summary: Mikage reflects on Utena. Set in the twentythird episode, or there about. Spoilers abound.


Roses Are Red, My Love 

By Gabi (gabi@pinkfluffy.net) 

There is beauty in symmetry. It is a beauty that few people seem to realize. It is akin to the elegance of mathematics and the simple beauty of concise circuitry. There is a stirringly deep beauty in symmetry, and it is that connection that we share. 

We are shifted reflections, she and I, rotated around some unknown axis, but we are still the same. There is still that beautiful symmetry. 

We are the ones, the chosen, the only ones able to bring the world revolution, but I was used, squeezed like an orange until I could give no more, and then tossed aside. She is still so passionate, so immaculate. She is dangerous, more dangerous than even Akio will give her credit for. It is she who will bring the world revolution, of that I am sure. 

She has such depth and strength of belief that I cannot imagine anything disillusioning her. She is a fine prince, and we could have ridden together. At least I give her the credit she deserves. She is not a princess. Why do so many people have difficult realizing this? I think it is perhaps that they desire to believe something different so they convince themselves of an untruth. When you live your life convincing others of untruth, it is not difficult to convince yourself. 

But she is also dangerous to herself. Her selflessness may be nurturing to her soul, but it is detrimental to her physical body. If there is anything that can bring her down, it is her selflessness. But it is her selflessness that adds to the beauty. I can see Tokiko in her, in the way that she stands, in her willful stare, in her concern for others. But she is even stronger than Tokiko, less apt to get tangled in _his_ webs, at least I pray. 

That willful spirit, would she have treaded the same path that I did, if she had been put in my place? Under differing circumstances, would she have come to lead the seminar of the Black Rose? All I strove to do was give those willing to fight for the preservation of their memories a chance to do so. Is that not concern for others as well? 

I had wanted to find eternity for Mamiya. He was my last link to Tokiko, he was my last chance at that world, my last tie to Nemuro, and then I realized that I had forgotten why I started the project in the first place. I realized that I had forgotten the dreams that drove Nemuro on. Computers do dream, you know. 

And then I realized that she was the summation of _everything_. Tokiko is gone. She left the garden, unwilling to look at me after I chose the path of shadows, unwilling to understand that the path I took was a necessary evil. Hypocrisy reigned high at Ohtori in those days, and it was easy to point fingers at those he wished to blame. So Tokiko chose the easy path. She left the garden where time is caught in a back flowing loop. She quit the game to early. 

Now there is only the calyx and I. I have finally found my partner for this waltz of revolution, but she refuses to see. She will not recognize the truth. Like many others, she finds it easy to ignore unpleasantries. If fact, she denies our similarities so vehemently that I think she must realize. Methinks the lady doth protest too much. 

Of course, I suppose at her level of innocence, she would find me vile. I walk the path of shadows and she sees the world in black and white. If only I could make her understand the necessity . . . but of course, I have not the power to do so. She is pure white, strong in her innocence. To give her wisdom, I would have to blemish her innocence, and there is currently no power between heaven and earth that can blight her. 

I just wish she could see me for who I am, for who I was, but she is so wrapped up in her self-righteous witch trial that I have no chance of her seeing the truth. _He_ has made sure of that and I'm sure it amuses him greatly. I flounder towards her, trying to make her see the truth of this revolution, but she will not believe a word I say. Who could blame her? No one trusts the words that come from a serpent's mouth. I cannot help but be amused by the bitter irony of this situation. She thinks Lucifer is a noble prince when all he is is self-obsessed, over-sexed, and petty. 

Still, I'm sure it amuses him that I'm getting what I deserve. He doesn't share things that belong to him, and he suffers from the grand delusion that she belongs to him. He will learn one day and that knowledge will come as a vicious stab to his pride. I suppose that is enough to sustain me. I only wish that I could be there, standing behind her, or at her side, as he discovered that she is not the tame pet lamb that he thinks she is. 

She flew into a rage at my suggestion of our similarity. She nearly broke my arm. I think that she might have killed me had she not seen my signet. I am a black rose with a white signet. I choose my own path, or my path is chosen for me. It doesn't really matter in the end. We all end up in the same place. 

Black roses fed on tears of anguish . . . I suppose that shadows will always dominate my path so long as I stay at Ohtori. And the darkness calls to the light, but in the case, the light does not call back to the darkness, it instead spits in the darkness's face. I suppose that all fairy tales do not have happy endings. It is unorthodox for the prince to end up with a scientist, and not the princess, after all. I suppose I was counting on the unorthodoxness of the prince, when I asked. 

I can't help but wonder, would her answer have been different, if I were still Nemuro? Still awkward and cold, socially inept, lonely, friendless Nemuro? Would she have turned more to genuineness than to charisma? I wonder, if I had been in her shoes, and she in mine, would I have accepted her? I want her to know and understand me, as I understand her. No one remembers why I'm here anymore. I have difficulty remembering on some days, but I'm sure she could tell me, if she would only open up her eyes and see me as I was. Then she could see our symmetry, our beautiful, beautiful symmetry. 

In the garden, shadows will dominate my path, but perhaps one day she will come to understand me, she will let herself understand me after she experiences things on her own, perhaps she can be more forgiving. 

Utena . . . 

I'll be waiting for you after graduation. 

---   
This is a monologue from Mikage's perspective, happening around episode twenty three of the series. I wrote this on the spur of the moment. Mikage may be my absolute favorite character of all time, and I feel that he really gets shafted in the fanfiction department, so I wrote this because I felt I needed to write it. 

If you want to see my qualifications for writing this story, check here: 

http://www.seiryuu.org/~pinkfluffy/wokeup/ 

Although many people have lost us, we are the oldest, longest running purely Mikage shrine, and we'd love to see you again. 


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